idk if it’s just how my very silly brain operates but does anybody else get like. a weird second wave of procrastination right before you finish something. like you already did 70-90% of the work, it realistically won’t take you that long to be done, but for some reason. u just can’t. like. time’s up on executive function. like. oh sorry did you want to not be worried about this? bc im going to make u have to be worried about this. thanks!
ADHD culture is saying “what?” when you heard the question someone asked you but… It didn’t fucking… Register… In the brain? And then you hear the question before they ask again and interrupt them when they’re talking because now you’re An Asshole™ who understands
Someone: Hey what time is it?
Me: What?
Someone: Wha-
Me: It’s 3:20
This is actually a thing, while visual info takes 0.1 seconds to process, auditory infor can take 3 to 4 seconds to process, which is why you ask, and then actually hear the question because your brains only just processed it
My husband has ADHD and does this, and I hate repeating myself constantly. One thing that I feel has saved us from so much stress in our marriage is that I’ve just stopped repeating myself. After a while he caught onto what I was doing and stopped saying “what” over and over when I didn’t respond. Now occasionally he’ll ask me “what?” when I said something because he actually didn’t hear me, and I will happily repeat myself for him, but most of the time I just say silent and let his brain compute what I said. So now our conversations go one of two ways:
Me: Hey hon, where is the tv remote? Him: What?? Me: *silence* Him: I left it on the couch.
Or
Me: Hey hon, where is the tv remote? Him: What? Me: *silence* Him: Ok, I really didn’t hear you that time, what did you say? Me: *repeats question*
Even if you don’t have ADHD, I mean, auditory delay happens with a lot of people, not just ADHD folk. If you deal with it, try this approach with your friends and loved ones. It has helped us so much.
I jokingly suggested something similar to my gf called the “3 second rule”. If i don’t respond in 3s, assume I really didn’t hear you.
Tho Im p good at just masking the processing time with UUhhhhHhHhh
Because of this Felix doesn’t repeat what he’s said unless I specifically say ‘repeat the question’
executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
!!!!
This sounds really useful and for some reason, I’m also really happy to find out that I’m not the only person who uses music to keep track of time
i got stuck in one shoe once for six hours. had the other shoe and sock right there, but just. doop de doo.
iirc in the end i just went “ok we don’t have to climb Mt. Put On Shoes. But let’s pick up that sock.” then i put on that sock, solemnly in the knowledge that the shoe was no longer a goal. Then the shoe went on, and had a laugh at how Mt. Shoe didn’t even see me coming.
getting stuck in a mudhole is a mofo. change gears to get out of the hole and do that, rather than thinking in terms of continuing to drive to your destination while in the hole. at least, that’s how i do it.
i can’t do Errand but i can sure as hell leave the house, and if i leave the house, eventually Errand will sneak up on me and i won’t have fretted myself to death about it for hours.
Do you ever have that ADHD day where you get up and are like ‘ok time to go brush my teeth but oops looks like the bathmat is dirty so I should run that to the laundry room right now or I’ll forget and oh the dogs want to go out so I need to let them out and you know it would be nice to have coffee ready when I get out of the shower so lets do that real quick but oh also the stove needs to be wiped off so lets do that since its fast and might as well do the counters too
and ok yeah I need to go shower now but oh look all of the laundry is on the floor so lets pick that up real fast and whoops I need to let the dogs in now and since Im going over there I should take the laundry with me and I might as well just throw in the washer since it will only take a second and yes now I need to go shower so I go brush my teeth but I forgot my hair brush and bluetooth speaker so lets go grab that but hey I should make the bed real quick so the dogs don’t get the sheets dirty when they get on the bed and then I get my brush and then spend like ten minutes flipping through the music on my phone before I chose something and finally go shower
And then I get out but I end up sitting on my phone for like another half hour on tumblr doing nothing and then I finally get up to get the coffee and make breakfast but I need to do the dishes first so I do that and look sheesh the sink is dirty so I clean it out and then I need to cook something but theres all this old food in the fridge so I clean it out and then I need to take the trash out and so I do that
and then I come back and I flip through youtube for like another half an hour because I NEED to listen to something while I cook but none of these videos are quite right and when I finally find something I start cooking but I keep switching videos on my phone because they still aren’t the right ones and then I put music on but end up switching back to videos and its frustrating ‘cuz its just not RIGHT and I keep running off to put the dishes in the washer and getting distracted by the cat but then I make food finally and get my coffee
And I go to sit down and use the computer while I eat but the rug is dirty and theres no point in sitting on it so I vacuum real fast but I need to vacuum the whole floor since Im already doing it and then the washing machine beeps so I need to go switch the clothes over and you know I should grab the kitchen rags and put them back here I can clean them later
and then I finally come back to the food which is pretty much cold by now so I get up and turn the pc on and sit down but damn I need my meds and my blanket and I forgot both of them so lets go get them but then I sit down again and forgot something else so I have to go grab that and then I get distracted again petting the cat and by the time I have done my morning routine its been like 3 hours and Im exhausted
one of the least helpful things ive been told as a neurodivergent person is “don’t half ass things”
if you can quarter ass something, do it! if all you can do is clean a corner of your room, or only read one of the two assigned chapters, or write the heading for your resume, or put all the papers for taxes in a pile, do it! if today isn’t a whole ass day, take pride in the portion of ass that you were capable of
don’t let neurotypicals work ethic define how you did today
totally, if you can pick your laundry up off the floor and put it in a basket today, it will be so much easier to put it in the machine and wash it tomorrow. If you can stack the dishes now, it will be easier to wash them later.
Half assing as a first stepping stone is so good, it is much better than not being able to do anything because “if you can’t do it properly, why do it at all”.
Do what you can today, to make life easier tomorrow.
Sometimes when you start something you may realise that it isn’t so bad and it’s easy to just get done! And if it isn’t that’s cool, it’ll be easier to finish later!
YES. I was raised with the “don’t half ass things; if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well” mentality and it is singlehandedly the worst thing ever when combined with my ADHD and executive dysfunction. Because what it translates to in my brain is “don’t do this until you can do all of it.” So… never.
Do what you can. Don’t even set specific goals! Just do “some.” And tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, do some more. And be proud of yourself for doing something, anything, because your previous timeline was never.
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