tandembicycles:

polyglotplatypus:

please listen to this poor man losing his shit as he reads an article blaming millenials for killing the mayonnaise industry that was written by a babyboomer upset people don’t want to eat her bland salads anymore

[Video Narration:] 

[In a hushed voice:] “Here comes the good part. [Louder, and with more enthusiasm:] ‘My son Jake, who’s 25, eats mayo. He’s a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He’s a good son. [With a more angry tone:] I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies [starts to laugh] major in college.’ [Laughing harder now with each word:] ‘Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise!’”

[Laughter that gets louder and more ridiculous:] [Wheezing] “Yes, the most well known side affect of feminism. [Laughs even more, with slight wheezing] [Hard to understand here:] If you take gender studies- I warned you children, you will stop enjoying mayonnaise! [Laughs more] [While laughing:] Oh, why is this so fucking funny?? [Continues laughing] Oh- I can’t- I cannot fucking deal with this- ‘She was a women’s and gender studies major in college, so [shouting] NATURALLY- [Starts to laugh again] she loathes mayonnaise.’” [Loses it again]

“NATURALLY- [Wheezing uncontrollably] Oh my God, help! [Laughs more] [Coughs a bit] [Continues laughing] Ugh! [Exhales] “Fuu- [unintelligible] face- oh God. [Chuckles] Ohhhh- this shouldn’t be so funny. [Coughs and laughs] I don’t know why this is so funny. [Laughs more quietly and calms down] “’And she’s not alone. Ask the young people you know their opinion of mayo and you’ll be SHOCKED by the depths- [Starts wheezing and laughing loudly, again] of their emotion- [Laugh] Oh, there’s the occasional outlier, like Jake’- my wonderful son whom I love unlike my terrible [starts chuckling] daughter who took gender studies and hates mayonnaise- aaah. [Laughs] ‘But for the most part, today’s youth would sooner get their news from an actual newspaper… than ingest mayo-’ [Wheezes] what the fuck does that mean??” [Continues wheezing and laughing, and then the video ends]